Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
