he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize