I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
