your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
