Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
