Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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