eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
