Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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