We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
