Small penises have feelings too.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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