In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
