Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your penis caused this!
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