I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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