Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
