Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
