Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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