Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
