i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
