Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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