i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
