first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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