Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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