cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
