So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
