I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
