I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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