We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
