the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
