Your dad touched me again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Four minutes until I can fart!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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