we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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