I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
