after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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