a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
