She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
