the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A+ Viking dick
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