The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are two peas in an std pod
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
