why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
