I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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