I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
