I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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