Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
