Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
