it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
