So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
