you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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