I just cut my nipple shaving
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
