You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
