I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
