i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
