She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
