hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
