he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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