Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
