Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
