i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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