Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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