i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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