The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize