That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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