I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
