i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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