At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
