So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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