Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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