i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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