Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
