Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
