I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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