im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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