Kiss
Puke
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
two words...techno handjob
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
