the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
