I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
